ENG 110 H1 – Prof. Brod

Miranda Boswell

How Social Media Acts as an Enabler for the Negative         

          Social media acts as a platform that showcases self-expression, development of culture, and sharing of ideas. With major companies such as Facebook and Twitter rising in popularity over the last decade, it seems that almost all adults have been in contact with social media in some form. The need for human connection, especially in recent years surrounding the pandemic, has made social media a breeding ground for those looking to connect online. From the surface, social media appears to be mostly positive in this aspect. However, the ugly side of social media is glaring, with the potential to leave major impacts on your life. Maria Konnikova, writer for the New Yorker and psychologist, argues in her essay “The Limits of Friendship” that social media connections may make personal connections weaker, and may diminish social skills of the future. “Unfollow”, an essay by Adrian Chen of the New Yorker, discusses how social media can have a profound effect on shaping the views and relationships of those who partake in the platform. While I believe there are many benefits of social media, such as facilitated maintenance of modern relationships, the negatives, exemplified by proliferation of parasocial relationships and hate speech, are showcased and enabled by the platform social media provides.

          As I left high school, I found myself in a tremendous period of change and development, particularly when it came to maintaining connections with my close friends as we split onto different paths. Social media allowed me to stay connected with my friends by sharing content I think they would enjoy and facilitating communications, preserving the relationship we had in person while being hundreds of miles apart. These meaningful connections are heavily rooted in shared experience, a topic heavily covered in “The Limits of Friendship” by Maria Konnikova. Emphasizing that physical touch and shared experiences are the major drivers of social connection, Konnikova claims that social media cannot replicate the strength of bonds formed in person (Konnikova). Konnikova drives her argument by describing the Dunbar number, a number invented by Robin Dunbar based on the relationship between cortical tissue and social group size in primates designed to explain the absolute limits of friendship circle size. Asserting that social media may have repercussions on our ability to maintain the Dunbar’s social group capacity of 150 people, Konnikova argues that the possibility of social media replacing in-person connection is a dangerous precedent and should be approached with caution. Konnikova’s essay made me consider what the difference is between formation and maintenance of meaningful connections. Maintenance of a friendship feels easy over social media; With the connection already there, I can find ways to share and relate long distance without being in a shared space. 

          Konnikova and I agree that in person connections are often very strong and rooted in shared experiences, however, I disagree with her notion that friendships made through an online space are inherently weaker. Konnikova’s statement, “So what happens if you’re raised from a young age to see virtual interactions as akin to physical ones?” feels like a leap in logic to me (Konnikova). Children are not able to fully connect with others online from a young age. While the shared use of online media can be seen as a connector, there is still a major difference between online and in person relationships. Your main relationships as a child come from in person interactions, such as those with parents and peers. Throughout the years however, it is physically impossible to keep close relationships with everyone you meet, making online interaction much more valuable. Being raised from a young age to see online interactions as the same as physical ones could be damaging, though the use of the internet could be a helpful tool to maintain and make friendships.  I think it is crucial to remember that the way we classify and quantify what meaningful relationships are must change as we do.

          Shared experience and relatability are extremely important to me when forming a relationship.  Despite my overall success with online connection, I have also observed others who believe they have made a connection with another, but rather have a one-sided relationship, known as a parasocial relationship. These relationships are damaging to both sides, and social media can act as an enabler of sorts. Some may challenge my views by stating that those who fall prey to parasocial relationships are already too reliant on social media for socialization, making their fixation on their subject mostly their fault. In response, I would assert that social media is designed to elicit a response from people in a way that appears like socialization, with some taking responses online or reactions to their content as a friendship. The way they might misconstrue an interaction leads to the development of these parasocial relationships. According to Konnikova, “If we’re busy putting in the effort… to interact with an ever-widening network, we have less time for our close groups,” (Konnikova). I believe Konnikova ignores the fact that what a friendship is or what is considered a connection is different for everyone, being shaped by personal experiences; It is also important to recognize that there is a spectrum of social behavior, with some people being more or less inclined to be social. Without emphasis being heavily placed on these factors, I think Konnikova misses a major part of a detractor’s argument by presenting an incomplete picture of what social connection is like in the climate of today’s world.

          Social media is a place where many voices and viewpoints can be heard, thus providing a platform for people to spread hateful messages and harmful ideologies. As reflected in Adrian Chen’s essay “Unfollow”, social media has the potential to both be a hateful and transformative place. Chen details the story of Megan Phelps-Roper, a young legal assistant from Topeka, Kansas who was once part of the prolific hate group, the Westboro Baptist Church. Known for picketing military and gay men’s funerals, operating through spreading warnings of ungodly actions, and celebrating tragedies such as terrorism and natural disasters, the Westboro Baptist Church preaches hatred towards those of different beliefs and sexualities. Connection to social media began at a young age for Phelps-Roper, with her exposure starting through the forum of Westboro’s website, where she soon learned of and migrated her activities to Twitter. With her messages gaining traction on the site, Phelps-Roper soon garnered attention from news outlets and celebrity figures. Through the conversations, and later, friendships she made through social media, Phelps-Roper grew to resent the beliefs she was raised on and left her church and family to be a better person.  

          Megan Phelps-Roper’s story is a prime example of how social media can be positive by acting as a platform for the thoughts and ideas of others. Only through the discussions with those she met online was Phelps-Roper able to ask, “[whether] Westboro had been wrong about everything?” and question, “…if she was spending her one life hurting people, picking fights with the world, for nothing?” (Chen). Meaningful connections with those such as C.G., a man she met and communicated with through Twitter who would become her husband, and David Abitbol, a Jewish Blogger who challenged Phelps-Roper civilly, made profound impacts on her life going forward by showing her what other people thought of the Church’s ideas. While this piece shows the true power of social media’s influence, it also showcases how social media acts as a place to spread hatred and dangerous ideologies. I consistently found myself upset by Phelps-Roper’s actions while a member of the Westboro Baptist church, and even her rationale for leaving made me a bit angry. Only through the death of a popular actress, Brittany Murphy, did Phelps-Roper begin to recognize,” …the contrast between the grief on twitter and the buoyant mood [of the Church],” (Chen). This piece taught me that respecting the viewpoint of others and understanding where those viewpoints were developed is crucial to being empathetic to those you encounter online.

          Social media, while a powerful tool for maintaining relationships, enables those who choose to use it in a hateful way. Maintenance of relationships acts as social media’s strong point, with it being much easier to keep in touch with old friends via the platform. Maria Konnikova argues in her essay “The Limits of Friendship” that physical connections are inherently stronger than ones made online, a point that contrasts almost directly with what is discussed in Adrian Chen’s essay “Unfollow”. “Unfollow” takes the stance that social media may provide a platform for hate, but it also allows for dialogue which can change the minds of those who employ hate speech. Both Chen and Konnikova touch on the importance of social failures and criticism of your ideas from others, arguing that social media can either facilitate or detract from social growth respectively. Civil discussion of differences both facilitates the exploration of both sides, but also allows for more information and ideas to be shared. Meaningful relationships, ones which Konnikova believes are impossible to form over social media platforms, are ones which are shown to make major changes in Megan Phelps-Roper’s life in “Unfollow”. While I agree with the potential good that social media can bring, I can also see it as a danger to others. I cannot discard the idea that social media provides a place where hateful ideas and words can be shared and are often published by the media. Social media is a fantastic tool for relationship maintenance and has the potential to be positive, particularly if those who consume the media use it in a way that is constructive, but the way it is being consumed now, popularizes arguments and division.