Mackie,

This story was really thought provoking to me! I was really invested in the main character’s internal conflict. I felt like there could be an opportunity to expand the conflict by showing why Cooper doesn’t want to commit. Maybe his friends make fun of his connection with Gemma, or he has a girlfriend back home that he doesn’t want to break up with. I think exploring Cooper’s apprehension could make this story even more intriguing. I really liked the physical description of Cooper. I felt like I had a very clear mental image of him throughout the story, so well done with that! I felt you expressed the claustrophobia and business of the bar setting very well. The “crammed like sardines” line really stuck with me and set the stage very well! Maybe going into detail on the specifics of Gemma’s outfit or drink order could help us connect more with her and see more of her “no-nonsense” personality. I really enjoyed this story! Great work!

Bridget,

This story has such a powerful feeling throughout, I really enjoyed reading it! I loved the ending, it felt like the characters acted in predictable ways. I think the description of the gazebo and the park itself really worked and made me feel really immersed in the scene.  The interaction on page 8 was so strong and felt like a big accumulation of everything that was built before the end of the story. It just stuck with me even after I finished reading and was really well done. As for a suggestion, I wanted a little more from how the relationship ended, maybe how the main character fought to hold on but Emory gave up? I also wish that Emory told the main character why she asked to meet in the first place, since it very much seems like she asked to meet just to say “I’ve moved on you should too,” which could’ve been intentional. Great work on this story! It was a really thought-provoking read.