Cammy,

This story got me so emotional! I was so moved by the character’s story of being someone so connected to their movement having that stripped away. I’ve seen similar stories to this happen in real life to my family members, and I feel like you got the hopelessness and the impact of kindness and patience down exactly as I’ve seen it happen before. I really liked the Dr. Reed character; He was a really likable character and served as a lifeline in this story that could be a bit oppressive sometimes. I had some questions and suggestions I noted after reading your story. Are there other more physical things she forgot as a result of her accident? Can she not lift her arms? There could be an opportunity to expand on the oppressive feeling of being stuck in a body you don’t recognize. Page 5, give us a chance to see how the mom is upset at her dancer daughter being legless; Try not to tell us! There’s enough context to feel that despair and the pain that the mother could be going through, but you could add conversations between the mother and father that the daughter overhears to build their perspectives? What kind of physical therapy is she undergoing? Are there other parts of her body that are in disrepair other than her memory? Overall, this story was really moving and I think there’s a lot of directions you could take it! Nice work!

Mya,

I loved reading your story! I thought the dynamic between the mother and daughter was really real and really drove the start of the story in an interesting direction. The passage on page 3 about the vinyl was really compelling to me. I kept coming back to it and the image was so vivid to me. The memories of a sister you once knew but have drifted apart from were so relatable and I really liked the way you conveyed it. The fixation on the lip gloss that their sister first bought years ago that they shared was such a good detail. I loved the way you showed the main character’s love and reverence for her sister even though Eileen never really appears in the present of the story. I really wanted to know why the main character was so disconnected with her sister if she felt so connected and shaped by her in her youth. Why was Eileen running? Was she in danger or just fed up with their mother? I thought it was strange the sisters hadn’t been in contact at all for the last 3 years if she was so important to the main character. Maybe you could say that the main character had been sending letters or trying to text just to get silence in return? There could be an exploration of guilt or feeling at fault for their sister’s disappearance to explore. I think you got across Eileen’s importance to the main character, I wanted to see the main character’s importance to Eileen. Overall, this was a really well written story with some really poignant sections that are sticking with me! Great work Mya!