Mackie:

I really liked this story! There were a lot of things to love in here, including the really detailed descriptions of the setting (particularly the descriptions of the snow and storm), the dialogue, and the characters. The descriptions evoked a lot of imagery, and I had a pretty clear image of the isolated house that shivers with the cold storm. I loved the dialogue you included. The fight between the mother and daughter both at the start and midway through felt important and well placed. I thought the narrator’s journey was convincing, like their change was earned after witnessing all the pain she’s caused her mother by not working through their issues together. For things I want to see more of, I want more on the brother and dad (what do they like to do, how do they look?). I wanted to care more about the brother in particular when they died (I thought the dad was well developed). I wouldn’t add any additional flashbacks, I feel like what you have chosen to include supports the narrator’s growth enough to warrant leaving those as is. A question I have just for curiosity is how old is the narrator at the present time of the story? Really great work!

Bridget:

This story was a really enjoyable read! The thing that stood out from the very beginning that was really impressive was the character’s voice. The examples they focus on, their view of other people, and the things they notice all felt integral to the story. It felt like every sentence was building upon the last, which was really interesting. The way the sentences were constructed and arranged really worked for me. I loved the descriptions, particularly the line about the ivy (beauty is pain)! As for things I would suggest or just have general confusion on, I guess I just want more clarity on Virgil’s cave and Virgil in general. He kinda felt like a red flag the second we were introduced to them just because the narrator was alone, at night in the library and she follows him outside even though they’ve never met. I wish we could’ve gotten some more reasoning to why the narrator feels she can trust him other than his looks or charm. I would also welcome more description of the narrator’s dorm room.