Empathy and The Human Condition

The screams are earsplitting. As a 12 year-old me sits on my red-eye flight to visit my family, all I hear for the first 30 minutes of the flight is screaming. A disheveled mother sits behind me, accompanied by her toddler and infant. Frantically trying everything to keep the toddler busy and to quiet the infant, the mother clearly begins to be frustrated as she tries in vain to control the situation. I sat in front of her, staring at my sister with those, “Why did we end up on this flight?” kind of eyes, a feeling which, based on her returned expression, she reciprocated. Suddenly, an elderly woman gets up from a few rows in front of me and offers to help the mother, sitting in the vacant seat next to her and holding the infant while the mother quells a rising tantrum in the toddler. This woman completely contradicted what I thought to do in this situation, which was to sit there and think, “Why did this happen to ME? Why can I never get a quiet flight?”. She exemplifies one of the most important and influential skills developed in humans, empathy. David Foster Wallace describes in his famous 2005 commencement speech, “This is Water”, how having awareness and giving attention to those around you is crucial to being a conscious and contributing member of society. Professor of Psychology at Yale University, Paul Bloom, however, shares a different view. In his essay “Is Empathy Overrated?” Bloom argues that empathy is rooted in prejudice and bias, often leading to more harm than good. Through my own experience, I can confidently disagree with Bloom’s major point that empathy is unhelpful. Empathy is a crucial part of being human, and through techniques discussed in DFW’s “This is Water” such as awareness, passion, and the value of conscious thinking, we can apply empathetic thinking to an everyday college student’s life and have the potential to make the world an overall better place in the process.

 A major principle of life today is that we exist in a world of mutual aid; wWe cannot exist without the help of others. I know you may hear this and think, “I do things on my own all the time!”, however, I would ask you to suspend your disbelief for just a moment. Consider something you are proud of that you did all on your own. Maybe it’s a high test grade? Or maybe a promotion at work? Now consider how you weren’t really working alone for that achievement. You had help; pParents, teachers, friends, and even strangers can push us to do our best and succeed. As humans, we are all connected by basic statutes or rules, the human condition, the positives and negatives of life. We all share experiences and the emotions tied to them: the pride of when you first learn to tie your shoes, the fear behind the steering wheel of a car the first time, and the nerves of a final exam. Human connection is intrinsically linked with empathy. The most profound connections you can make are facilitated by shared emotions. We can stay connected with people by understanding that their struggles are your struggles and vice versa. You feel connected when a friend tells you they lost a family member or pet and you help a stranger when they have trouble reaching an item on a grocery store shelf; It is these shared experiences that connect us. Part of being a human is understanding that everyone wants to be heard, seen, and understood. Without empathy, we wouldn’t be able to connect or support others in a way that is constructive.

David Foster Wallace agrees with my points on reciprocal human understanding in his speech “This is Water”.  The American author discusses the importance of being aware of others and how your own perspective is biased. Foster Wallace uses many stories and cliches to emphasize the importance of viewing other people’s perspectives and making the conscious decision of how to think. He discusses how each person is, “…the absolute centre of the universe… [and that] there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute centre of,” with acknowledging the perspectives of others’ being a conscious choice (Foster Wallace). Foster Wallace emphasizes that thought is a choice; yYou have the choice and control of what to think, giving anything the potential to be positive or negative. Describing the crushing drawl of the “rat race”, Foster Wallace explains how minor inconveniences, like hold ups at the grocery store and traffic jams give you the chance to be present and appreciate the moment (Foster Wallace). Paying attention to the here and now, appreciating what is directly in front of you, and maintaining awareness of the hard truths in life is crucial to feeling fulfilled as a pioneer into adulthood. Acknowledging that there is, “…no such thing as not worshiping,” is a point brought up by Foster Wallace as he discusses that people always have things they will strive for but never be able to reach (Foster Wallace). This default setting, the unachievable thing we strive for as well as lack of awareness of others, puts us into a box of not appreciating the small things in life and prevents us from being a compassionate, decent, human being. 

Foster Wallace’s speech is packed with important insights, but what resonated with me the most were his views on human connection and his insinuated views on empathy. He describes how life can be fulfilling with the involvement of, “…attention and awareness and discipline… [how it is important to be] able to truly care about other people and sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.” (Foster Wallace). Despite never directly mentioning empathy in his speech, Foster Wallace still makes many important insights on the quality. By outlining that empathetic thought takes effort, and can be developed through your experience, Foster Wallace describes how the world can be much more supportive of itself by recognizing the struggles others may be going through and trying to make the best of situations that may inconvenience us. In particular he mentions the importance of experience on shaping the way we view the world, and how much credence we give people. The story of Megan Phelps-Roper as written by Adrian Chen, writer and blogger for The New Yorker, in his piece “Unfollow” exemplifies DFW’s point that acknowledging that other people have struggles is critical to being a constructive human being; Phelps-Roper, a past member of the mass-hate group, The Westboro Baptist Church, interacted with people online who thought the best way to change her mind was, “…relating to [her] on a human level…to be really nice so that [she] would have a hard time hating [them].” (Chen). Showing this empathy online was the reason that Phelps-Roper left the majority of her family and friends behind in search of less hateful and harmful ideologies. It took awareness, attention, and discipline to develop empathy in Phelps-Roper, which eventually caused her to leave the church, and proves DFW’s points that, “… [how we take meaning from life is] automatically absorbed from culture… As if how we construct meaning is not actually a matter of personal, intentional choice.” (Foster Wallace). By looking at Megan Phelps-Roper’s story, we can see how empathy was crucial in the change of her mindset, or default setting as DFW would put it.

But is empathy really the reason we have the ability to change minds and to connect with people on the most basic of levels? Psychology professor Paul Bloom argues in his piece “Is Empathy Overrated?” that, “Empathy is a spotlight with a narrow focus; [shining] brightly on those we love and [dimming] for those who are different or strange.” (Bloom). It is easy for us to feel for people who look like us, a principle which Bloom applies to empathy. Bloom asserts that humans apply empathy in a limited span, only able to “feel for” a few, if not a single, person at a time. He argues, using stories of the victims of the Sandy Hook mass shooting, that “mass tragedies that are single events, rather than longer term, gain more focus due to the relatability of the victims to those who donate their time and money,” (Bloom). Bloom is trying to get the reader to see empathy as unhelpful for events that may displace or harm more people, while I see empathetic action in a much less cynical light.; I choose to focus on the fact that empathy leads us to help people at all, rather than ignoring and not caring when a major disservice is felt. Bloom may counter my thoughts with his argument that, “Empathy [tends to distort] our moral judgements in pretty much the same way that prejudice does.” (Bloom). I would argue that empathy, while having a prejudicial basis some of the time, is still helpful and allows us to connect with people on a deeper level. Bloom mentions how humans tend to remember the one occurrence of bad, rather than a history of good, done by a person and connect it directly. Because of this precedence of novel events in the mind, there is a, “…heavy weight placed on empathy in our society, we may find ourselves using it in our judgments of others and their credibility based on their history and connections.” (Bloom). Bloom utilizes the example of  the failed presidential campaign of Governor Michael Dukakis, talking about how the single horrifying failure of his furlough program caused him to struggle to succeed in his run. Bloom closes his essay by stating that, “…self-control and intelligence [allow for] a more diffuse compassion.” (Bloom). This compassion can be more easily spread without the potential for “negatives outweighing the positives”, which Bloom argues is an issue caused by empathetic thinking. Originally, I found myself agreeing to most of Bloom’s points, but he loses me a bit at the conclusion of his piece; Part of being human is feeling empathy, and it isn’t something that can be replaced or altered for a more favorable outcome. While I agree that empathy is dangerous due to its biases and prejudicial potential, it is still important to celebrate the small wins and assistance people provide, as it makes us better as a human race.

Empathy is intrinsically connected to the human experience; Without empathy, I argue that you miss a major part of what makes a human spirit. Empathy is a perceptive skill and requires awareness of your surroundings to understand, often acting as a driving principle for decision making. I see empathy as a helpful tool in decision making, in direct contrast to Bloom. Making choices that affect others without considering how you would feel if under the effects if that decision makes you an inconsiderate person. Bloom also describes how empathy “is insensitive to statistical data as well as cost and benefits,” which I think, while supported, is not well founded. Empathy may not consider costs and benefits, but how can it be considered when it is an automatic process within the human mind? Empathy often works automatically for me. If I hear some bad news about a friend, I will in turn feel bad. While empathy may not consider the most “statistically optimal outcome” or response to a problem, it does give the one that will be the most supportive in the eyes of the empath. Acknowledging those who have met hardships and expressing to them that you see and understand, to whatever capacity that you can, is crucial to maintaining healthy and positive relationships. This is where I think DFW’s points can best apply to a college student’s daily life; Doing the small things, holding the door, saying thank you to the cashier, and smiling at a friend are all part of how we can develop as more understanding and constructive people as we leave the education system.

I now want you to consider the screaming baby from my red-eye flight. I know I have; I’ve thought about what I wish I said or had done to be more helpful in that situation, however, I recognize now that it requires effort and work to think in a way that is not completely centric on my own experience. David Foster Wallace expands this point when he describes that, “… [when you’re inconvenienced, you operate] on the automatic, unconscious belief that [you] are the center of the world, and that [your] immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world’s priorities.” (Foster Wallace). Sacrificing that centric view in favor of others is a vital component part of empathy. DFW emphasizes that the little things add up, and while he never directly mentions empathy in his speech, it is implied that it is one of the most valuable principles of the human condition. Bloom suggests in his essay that empathy has potential for more harm than good due to stereotyping and prejudice. While Bloom’s arguments seem well founded, I feel as though his views are too cynical and critical of the human condition as a whole. That elderly woman, by volunteering her time, helped the distressed mother control the children, and quell the screaming, an act of empathy towards not only the mother, but to all the passengers and herself as well. Empathy is a skill, and the sooner we can develop it to a high level, the more considerate and understanding our future human race will be.

Works Cited

Bloom, Paul. “Is Empathy Overrated?” Ideas.ted.com, 24 Mar. 2017, https://ideas.ted.com/is-empathy-overrated/.

Chen, Adrian. “Unfollow.” The New Yorker, 16 Nov. 2015, https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/11/23/conversion-via-twitter-westboro-baptist-church-megan-phelps-roper. 

Foster Wallace, David. “This Is Water by David Foster Wallace (Full Transcript and Audio).” Farnam Street, 14 Jan. 2021, https://fs.blog/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/.