1. My essay’s most notable strength is my own idea integration. I incorporate my major ideas throughout the whole piece and I feel that I do a good job of addressing all the points that I bring up. An example of where I pose a strong point is, “Part of being a human is understanding that everyone wants to be heard, seen, and understood. Without empathy, we wouldn’t be able to connect or support others in a way that is constructive.” This quote in particular is strong to me because it shows how I took my points on how humans exist in a world of mutual aid, and bring out what I really mean with that statement. I think that this essay did a much better job of putting how I interpret the world first and THEN going into what the sources have to say about that.

2. Compared to my revision process in essay 1, essay 2 spent a lot more time looking at sentence level issues. I am good at organizing larger points and figuring out what to address first, so fixing things such as clunky sentences and rough transitions took the bulk of my revision. My revision process has improved a lot from essay 1 to essay 2; In my essay 2 revision process, I made sure to really consider whether I was getting my points across and didn’t hesitate to alter or adjust my points to be stronger and more connected to my thesis and claims. I focused a lot more on taking my time with revision and not doing it in one sitting, coming back with fresh eyes a few times to give the piece the time it needed to digest in my mind. A spot where this method of revision helped me was in my summary of DFW’s “This is Water”. I went through and was critical with what I kept and what was cut, which I think made an overall stronger piece in the process.

3. I tried to use source material in a way that directly supported my points. I spun the quotes and paraphrase in a way that proved my points or strengthened my arguments. Attempting to only use quotes that connected directly with what I was trying to get across, I did much more mid-sentence quote integration as compared to stand-alone quotes and analysis. Aiming to choose quotes that posed many ideas to unpack, I tried to use source material as a jumping off point to start my ideas. Overall, I think I did better with putting myself in contention with the readings.

4. Claim Analysis:

Claim: Empathy is intrinsically connected to the human experience; Without empathy, I argue that you miss a major part of what makes a human spirit.

The claim above is one of my strongest claims in essay 2. I say this one is strong because it clearly states an idea and tells you where I, the author, am standing on that issue. I am clear about what I want the person to take away from that claim and use it as a basis for analysis. I have had to work really hard to put myself into my writing; For some reason, I have never put my own opinions or ideas really clearly at the forefront of essays, but usually I write scientific papers and non-fiction reviews of a book or piece of media. It has taken a lot of work to put myself in my writing and to be confident enough to say what I mean when I propose a point.

5. Thesis Statements:

Essay 1: While I believe there are many benefits of social media, such as facilitated maintenance of modern relationships, the negatives, exemplified by proliferation of parasocial relationships and hate speech, are showcased and enabled by the platform social media provides.

Essay 2: Empathy is a crucial part of being human, and through techniques discussed in DFW’s “This is Water” such as awareness, passion, and the value of conscious thinking, we can apply empathetic thinking to an everyday college student’s life and have the potential to make the world an overall better place in the process.

I feel like my first thesis statement is stronger. It isn’t posing as many ideas but I think that is its strength. The concise nature of the first thesis makes it more digestible and I don’t sound like I’m tripping over myself while reading it. In essay 2 I found myself getting even more wrapped up in what I wanted to say or fit into my limited page count, an issue which I can clearly see when comparing the two theses. I do a better job of addressing the prompt directly in the essay 2 thesis compared to essay 1, and I think it also has more broad points that could be expanded on rather than just ideas. There is more direct “me” connections in the first thesis (use of I and personal ideas) rather than the more general and less direct thesis of essay 2. In general, I think both theses are considerably strong, but essay 1 feels like it has a more explicit description while essay 2 feels like it has too many points crammed into a single sentence.