Sophie: This story struck me as the tale of a cautious girl learning what it means to be brave in the face of danger. The description in the first few paragraphs of the apprehension of Alice was really well done, and I thought the analogy was really clever. Another thing I really liked was the approach to Alice’s mentality on life; Her experiences and people she’s encountered in the past clearly impact the future, which is really important for setting up her growth by the end of the story. Something you could expand on may be dialogue (making sure it seems conversational enough?). The girls talking to each other in Paris outside Notre Dame and the airport talked less like friends than I would expect. I also think giving some more detail on when the location is changing (why did she leave Morocco and go to France? How was the process from security to boarding the plane at the start of the story?). I really enjoyed the journey that Alice went through in this story, from really fearful about being alone to understanding that risks follow her everywhere and it’s her approach to those struggles that define her.

Lizzie: I really like how this reads almost like a mystery of what the supernatural thing was and how it worked; I like when you give readers information to piece together and you did it really well in this story for me. Another thing I really liked was the amount of detail you used when describing the movements characters were making during conversation. I could really picture the talks these characters were having. The exposition felt balanced and I looked forward to it since it gave me more info on the mystery. As a suggestion, I would maybe be a bit more clear on what Janine transformed into. It seems very animalistic but also vampiric? You mention the eyes turning black and muscles ripping as she grows, but what is she growing into? Also, this may be really randomly specific, but at the end of the story the narrator goes, “…or some happy movie ending like that.” which kinda confused me. Maybe making the time setting clearer would help? Overall, I really enjoyed piecing this story together and it really held onto my attention!